Everyone knows The Fantastic Four’s Human Torch – can actually do his job better than he can.
Fortunately for Peter, Johnny decided not to carry on as “Spider-Torch” – and later discovered there were more than a few downsides to dealing with the constant bad press Spidey seems to attract.
The story took place in the Spider-Man/Human Torch: I’m With Stupid miniseries written by Dan Slott and drawn by Ty Templeton. During the five-issue storyline, Slott and Templeton explored different periods in Peter Parker and Johnny Storm’s lives to examine the evolving relationship between the two heroes. In the second issue, a college-age Peter and Johnny get into a feud over who can be a better superhero. Spider-Man suggests they trade jobs for the day – allowing Spidey to travel with the Fantastic Four to another dimension, while the Torch investigates a new drug ring run by an unknown super villain.
New York, Meet The New Spider-Torch
Clearly the heroes' exchange doesn’t sit well with the rest of the Fantastic Four, who were counting on Johnny to use his powers to control the excess heat generated during their journey. Spidey tries showing off by using his webbing to insulate the FF’s ship – but this only screws up the ship’s scanning equipment, ruining the mission. Meanwhile, Johnny proves surprisingly competent as a street-level hero... after realizing how much baggage he is truly carrying. His attempt to go “undercover” is ruined when he gets knocked out by some drug dealers who recognize him as a superhero celebrity. The Torch quickly regroups, however, and subdues the dealers. He even gets them to it their drugs are supplied by Kraven the Hunter. Unfortunately, before Johnny can get them to reveal Kraven’s location, the thugs clam up. A problem Spidey deals with every day. But one Johnny solves in an unorthodox way.
After delivering the criminals to the police, he has them call in one of Kraven’s gang for questioning. He then makes sure that the gangster arrives just in time to see Johnny lighting himself on fire and screaming in mock pain. Terrified that the police are apparently torturing criminals to get information, the gang member reveals Kraven is hiding in an old zoo.
The Human Torch then goes after Kraven himself and fights off his army of wild animals with ease thanks to his flame powers. Johnny’s cockiness apparently gets the better of him, however, when Kraven gets the drop on the Torch and poisons him with a lethal dose of his street drug (which turns out to be extracted from the venom of poisonous snakes). As Johnny lies dying, he begs Kraven to reveal who he was working for. Kraven smugly tells him everything, only to have Johnny suddenly sit up and reveal he was wearing a wire – and that poison doesn’t work on someone who can boil their own blood.
Having saved the day, Johnny even gets the key to the city for taking down the drug ring. Furious that the Human Torch really is better at stopping street level crime than he is, Peter storms off. Spidey does receive a helping hand from Flash Thompson, however, who slips a laxative in Johnny’s coffee as a parting prank.
Johnny Learns The Dark Truth About Spider-Man
Fortunately, Peter got over his ego-bruising and continued teaming up with Johnny over the years. The two took down multiple petty crooks and thugs together, and Johnny also gave Spider-Man additional chances to prove himself to the Fantastic Four, even going so far as to offer Peter his place on the team in the event of his death. However, Johnny’s responsibilities to the Fantastic Four kept him from stopping drug rings and underworld operations with Spidey on a regular basis.
But there’s another reason why the Human Torch tends to stay away from street level crime. During Mark Waid and Mike Wieringo’s run on The Fantastic Four, the FF ended up overthrowing Doctor Doom and taking over Latveria – an act that puts them into conflict with the U.S. government. This earns the FF a lot of bad press that they're bit typically used to. Especially when the public, who used to fawn over Johnny Storm, starts to hate him. Distressed, the Torch asks Spider-Man to meet him on top of the Statue of Liberty where he asks a burning question – how does Spidey manage to get through each day as “a complete loser?”
Understandably ticked off, Spidey still agrees to hang out with Johnny at a water park and let off steam (pun intended). By a shocking coincidence, Spidey’s villain Hydro Man is working at the park and starts a fight with the two. Possibly due to his currently poor public image, however, Johnny now has a terrible case of bad “Parker Luck.” He gets his clothes blown off of him by Hydro Man, screams, “I have no pants!” – and then realizes he fell into the kiddie pool and is being videotaped by a news crew. Spidey spins him a web diaper (yes, really), but Johnny burns it off before accidentally running into the women’s changing room.
Just as Johnny’s public image is about to hit rock bottom, Spidey, taking pity on his friend, stages a mock rescue. Seeing that the water park’s beloved mascot is about to fall from a collapsing tower, Spider-Man pretends his web shooters are empty and allows the Human Torch to save the park worker in front of the cameras and get back in the public’s good graces. (Spidey, sadly, goes back to being a hated loser).
So, while the Human Torch might have the ability to be a better street level hero than Peter Parker, he clearly doesn’t have the tough skin necessarily to withstand the insults Spidey regularly receives. Being Spider-Man means more than wall crawling and web slinging, after all, and an egomaniac like Johnny Storm just can’t handle the constant bruising to his celebrity status.
