Cats continues to confuse audiences worldwide, so we’re taking a look at the absolute weirdest moments of the movie. It’s been less than a month since Cats dropped in theaters, and the internet can’t stop talking about it. Who can blame them? This very pricey big-screen adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s notoriously strange but wildly popular musical was always a bizarre prospect for a movie.
The original musical Cats is adapted from a book of poems by T.S. Eliot, has no real plot to speak of, and is mostly comprised of big song-and-dance numbers in which cats introduce themselves to the audience before one of them gets to die and be reborn as a better, happier cat. On-stage, Cats is stylized and relies on the audience’s imagination to fill in some of the gaps. On film, as directed by Tom Hooper, Cats is a bizarre, oddly literal mess that seems to be aiming for realism.
So much has been written about the movie’s most disastrous moments, from the shoddy and unfinished CGI to the messy editing to the mixed acting efforts, but the strangest elements of Cats are rooted in the source material. How could this movie not be trippy? Of course, it doesn’t help that Hooper and screenwriter Lee Hall have made changes to the narrative that have somehow only increased the bizarre nature of the work. Audiences and critics alike may have hated it, but there’s a strong chance that Cats will become the future go-to bad movie choice for midnight screenings everywhere.
The Lone Human
There are no humans in Cats for obvious reasons. The logistics of including such a character in a show where the cast are proportioned against the set to seem cat-sized are tough to overcome, even in 2020. With film, however, you can experiment, and so we see an actual human in the movie of Cats — almost. To add a more cohesive narrative to an infamously plotless show, Cats makes the character of Victoria a POV protagonist who was abandoned by her owner. Said owner is only shown in segments and her whole body is never shown, but her mere presence only further exacerbates the major issues of the film, primarily the proportions of the cats themselves and how strange said animals look. If they all look this humanoid in this version of London, I’m not sure we can blame any owner for not wanting such creatures in their house.
Jennyanydots Unzipping Her Skin
The first of the candidates for the Jellicle Choice the audience is introduced is Jennyanydots, as played by Cats shows it twice.
Tap-dancing Cockroaches for Lunch
If you thought the cats look strange in Cats, then the sight of the mice and cockroaches will surely send a shudder up your spin. The mice have rotund bodies the shape of tennis balls but the faces of human children and squeaky voices of Alvin and the Chipmunks. That’s nothing compared to the cockroaches, who are all proportioned like human women, complete with extra arms, and noticeable mounds where human breasts would be (all the female cats have this problem too, which is both creepy and hilarious). The sight of these petrified cockroaches going full Busby Berkeley is curious enough, but it gets even weirder when Jennyanydots starts eating them. Fortunately, the audience is spared any sounds of agonized screams as Rebel Wilson devours them.
Bustopher Jones’ Gluttonous Feast
The corpulent cat about town, Bustopher Jones is a gentleman who loves to dine at the finest establishments in the city, meaning that he loves to dumpster dive. As played by James Corden, this character is another excuse for a lot of fat jokes. His trashy feast, which is the backdrop to his musical number, becomes a whole lot less charming than the stage show when you see Corden essentially rolling around in abandoned filth. In one moment, he drinks from a bottle of champagne, and the mere image of it, combined with the shoddy effects, makes for a queasy viewing experience.
Rum Tum Tugger Has a Foot Fetish
Jason Derulo's Rum Tum Tugger is, as his song explains, a curious cat. Flighty and indecisive, he has a talent for flirting with the ladies, and throughout his song he has Victoria completely enthralled. But after Rum Tum Tugger has drawn Victoria in with his thick mane of fur and magnetic attitude, and she's batted her eyelashes at him, things suddenly get very weird. Victoria expresses her interest in the charismatic cat by lifting her leg and pointing her toes at him, and Rum Tum Tugger comes uncomfortably close to putting her toes in his mouth before darting away to continue with his song. For a moment you'd think the movie was directed by Quentin Tarantino.
There's A Dog
Victoria ends up fraternizing with the mischievous thieving twins Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, who enjoy causing havoc for their human owners and stealing whatever they can get their hands on. They party their way through a lavish home and adorn Victoria with jewelry. When trouble calls, Victoria is abandoned by the twins and the human family's dog is alerted to her presence. The moment that dog starts barking, you instantly want to see it, if only to see if the canines of this world are as horrifying as the felines. Sadly, the movie chickens out on a reveal. It would have been a great moment for an unexpected celebrity cameo (Eddie Redmayne would have made a fantastic beast).
Ian McKellen Laps Up Some Milk
Another candidate for the Jellicle Choice is Gus the Theater Cat, also known as Asparagus. As played by Ian McKellen, this former darling of the London acting scene is now too old and hindered by palsy to return to the stage, but dreams of his glory days. McKellen plays him like a drunk cat version of Peter O'Toole, making for one of the movie's more committed performances. Once one sees him mewling and licking up milk from a saucer, they either celebrate McKellen's commitment to the craft or wonder if he'll ever act again.
Old Deuteronomy’s Leg Lifts
Old Deuteronomy, the wise matriarch of the Jellicle tribe, is the one with the power to choose which cats get to receive a new life. Typically, the role is played by a man on-stage, but the film made changes to accommodate Judi Dench, who was famously supposed to play Grizabella in the original West End production of Dame Judi Dench’s real leg.
Taylor Swift Drugs the Cats with Catnip
In the musical, the character of Bombalurina is just another member of the Jellicle tribe who gets to sing the Macavity song with her friend Demeter. In the film, she’s hogging the spotlight solo, and now seems to be Macavity’s minion and possible drug pusher. Cats is ridiculously horny. Here, catnip seems to be the feline version of ecstasy, which leads us to believe that Macavity and Bombalurina are possibly running some sort of cartel.
Macavity Can Teleport... And He’s Naked?
On stage, Macavity is a minor character who provides minimal drama to the story beyond a final act roadblock for the Jellicles. It makes sense why the movie would want to inflate his role to full-on villain, if only to give Idris Elba is suddenly without his jacket, all you can think about is how he's naked and so are the other cats, who are now basically having a catnip orgy.
The Ray Winstone Cameo
Growltiger is one of the more controversial elements of Ray Winstone in full Cockney geezer mode as a cat. He seems to meet a watery grave when Gus pushes him off the barge, making Ian McKellen a straight-up murderer in this movie.
Jennifer Hudson’s "Memory" Snot
The most iconic musical number in Les Misérables, and heavily focused on Hudson's snotty nose. Any emotion they hoped to wring from this song is overtaken by how distracted the audience gets by Hudson’s now-gooey face. It’s one of many signs throughout the film that Hooper’s direction was, at best, deeply misguided.
Macavity Gets Stuck on Nelson’s Column
Once the Jellicle Choice is made and Grizabella is sent to the Heavyside Layer on a chandelier attached to a hot-air balloon — a moment that, in and of itself, is weird — Macavity makes one last attempt to escape for a new life. He clutches onto a loose rope from the chandelier and hopes to fly away with her, but slips and lands on the top of Nelson’s Column. He tries to teleport away but suddenly can’t, and so is left atop a 169 feet structure with no hope of rescue. Does Macavity eventually plummet to his death? It’s a very bleak ending, if so.
Old Deuteronomy Monologues To the Audience
The Jellicle cats head to Trafalgar Square to watch as the sun rises, and Grizabella leaves for the Heavyside Layer. Old Deuteronomy then breaks the fourth wall to stare down the perplexed audience as she sings the final song of the show, which is essentially a summary of the Jellicle ethos. Granted, it doesn't make much sense, but it never did on-stage either. Still, that doesn't make it any more reasonable when Old Deuteronomy sternly tells the viewer that cats are different from dogs. Factually true, of course, but not something you'd necessarily think would have to be explained. Granted, Cats: an unfinished and confusing mess that only gets weirder the more one thinks about it.
