Summary
- Cousin Eddie's quotes in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation make him one of the most beloved characters despite his detestable nature.
- Randy Quaid's performance as Cousin Eddie is standout, delivering memorable and laugh-out-loud moments.
- Cousin Eddie's eccentric and hilarious quotes provide some of the funniest moments in the classic Christmas comedy.
The best Cousin Eddie quotes from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation show why the 1989 movie was a career-defining performance for Randy Quaid — despite Clark Griswold's cousin-in-law being one of the most detestable people present at his precious holiday. In the classic Christmas film, Chevy Chase's Clark Griswold wants nothing more than a relaxing festive season with his family. Unfortunately for Clark, his extended family — including the antagonistic Cousin Eddie — arrive unannounced. Far from having the holidays he'd hoped for, Clark had a winter full of woe, and Eddie was a key reason why.
Despite grating on Clark throughout National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Cousin Eddie has become one of the most beloved characters in the classic (and slyly adult) Christmas comedy. The raucous redneck character has become an unlikely bastion of cheer thanks to the many strange yet laugh-out-loud Cousin Eddie quotes, made all the more memorable by Randy Quaid's standout performance. Whether he's emptying a chemical toilet in the middle of the street or regaling his family with stories about the metal plate in his head, Cousin Eddie is the source of some of the funniest moments in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
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20 "Clark, I'd Like To Try To Fumigate This Here Chair, It's A Good Quality Item."
Cousin Eddie Asking Clark For His Burnt Chair
When Clark enters the living room to find the lights on his tree are out, he discovers the plug has been disconnected from the outlet by the cat (which, unbeknownst to him, has a strand of lights in its mouth underneath the easy chair). When he plugs the strand back into the wall, the cat is electrocuted and the chair is ruined, but that doesn't stop Cousin Eddie from being interested in it.
Cousin Eddie quotes are most effective when delivered with complete deadpan seriousness by Quaid who, in this simple exchange with Clark (as they carry the chair to the curb), demonstrates that Eddie is both resourceful and... being completely ignored by his cousin, which makes the punchline (one of Clark's inane quotes "Do you smell something?" "Yea, fried pussycat!") even more hilarious.
19 "If This Gets Dented, Then My Hair Just Ain't Gonna Sit Right."
Cousin Eddie Explaining To Clark Why He Can't Sled
Before Clark and the family can embark on their harrowing holiday sledding expedition, Cousin Eddie has an entire diatribe about why it isn't a good idea for him to participate, citing the government plate that runs right underneath his parting. Not only should it not get dented for safety reasons, his hair just "won't look right" if it does.
For a man who wears clearly visible dickies with his holiday sweaters and powder blue tuxedos to Christmas dinner, the line speaks to Cousin Eddie's peculiar sense of vanity, while also being the sort of off-handed quote that lives rent-free in fans' heads.
18 "Word Of Warning Though, If He Does Lay Into Ya, It's Best To Let Him Finish."
Cousin Eddie Giving Fair Warning About Snot
Cousin Eddie followed up explaining his dog's prodigious snowballs to Clark with a warning about Snot's proclivity to seek out guests' legs and hump them. Eddie is in favor of letting Snot do his business unhindered, while Clark appears visibly repulsed.
It's the sort of awkward exchange that makes family affairs memorable, and just further demonstrates Eddie's love for his pet. Clark also learns that if he and Snot are going to get along during the happiest time of the year, he'd better not change into shorts.
17 "Oh, He's Just Yakkin' On A Bone."
Cousin Eddie Describing Snot's Dining Habits
Almost no one's happy at the Griswold Christmas table due to an incredibly dry turkey, catfood jello mold, and familial squabbling. The only person seemingly enjoying himself is Cousin Eddie and Snot, who's busy helping himself to bones underneath the table, one of which gets stuck in his throat.
When Clark expresses concern for Snot based on the obnoxious noises his larynx is making, Eddie has the utmost confidence in his canine companion's ability to choke back a turkey bone despite it being universally bad for dogs because of its ability to splinter and puncture their GI tract. No doubt Snot will just wash it down with another slurp from the Christmas tree stand.
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16 "Last Season He Was A Pixie Dust Spreader On The Tilt-A-Whirl."
Cousin Eddie Explaining Rocky's Work History
Cousin Eddie and his family might not have a lot in the way of tact or wealth, but that doesn't mean the brood doesn't share a happy bond of their own unique making. When he catches Clark up about the status of his children, he beams with pride about Rocky's job at the local carnival with this line, followed by, "he thinks next year he'll be guessing people's weight or barkin' for the yak lady."
Clark's often so busy making sure that his Christmas is perfect that he forgets the things that make it truly exceptional — the love of friends and family. In that regard, Cousin Eddie is often shown to be a wiser man than his more conventional cousin.
15 "Yep, That There Is An RV. I Borrowed It Off A Buddy Of Mine."
Cousin Eddie Describing His Home
When Cousin Eddie and his family come to stay at the Griswold's for Christmas, they bring their RV, which gives Eddie and Catherine some alone time while the kids stay in the house. When Clark asks what sort of monstrosity Eddie's parked outside his house, Eddie cheerfully gives him an explanation as though he's never seen an RV before, along with "he took my house, I took the RV. it's a good-looking vehicle, ain't it?"
Eddie doesn't think twice about parking an eyesore in the middle of Clark's affluent neighborhood, and the RV becomes — much like Eddie — something that Clark has to deal with. It's a harbinger of change and forces Clark to come outside his comfort zone.
14 "Clark, That's The Gift That Keeps On Giving The Whole Year."
Cousin Eddie Discussing The Benefits Of The Jelly Of The Month Club
Everybody but Eddie is crestfallen when Clark doesn't receive the holiday bonus he'd been relying on. In an attempt to lighten the mood in the Griswold home, Cousin Eddie puts a spin on the news by declaring that a subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club is a year-round treat that keeps the holiday spirit alive.
There are not a lot of reasons most families would tolerate someone as loathsome and uncouth as Cousin Eddie, except that he's perpetually upbeat, and because he doesn't have a lot of material possessions, he appreciates even something as innocuous as a subscription to a jelly of the month club. In many ways, Cousin Eddie teaches Clark the true meaning of Christmas.
13 "You About Ready To Do Some Kissing?"
Cousin Eddie After Kidnapping Clark's Boss
Cousin Eddie doesn't have a lot of money — or brains — so he decides to get Clark what he can as a token of his appreciation for the holiday hospitality. He kidnaps Clark's boss, gags him, then presents him to Clark as a gift (complete with a big red bow on his chest) in one of the funniest scenes in any of the National Lampoon movies.
As bizarre as Cousin Eddie's gift is, it's also incredibly heartfelt, and even Clark realizes the depth of his affections. No one else would have been generous — and stupid— enough to pull off such a surprise, and it actually ends up being the catalyst for positive change in the Griswolds' favor.
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12 "This One Here, Is Leaking...It's Lime!"
Cousin Eddie Referring To Aunt Bethany's Gift
Before the entire Griswold clan can finally sit down to their holiday feast and enjoy their incredibly dry turkey, Cousin Eddie already samples one of the promised delicacies unintentionally, when it's discovered that Aunt Bethany has wrapped up her jello mold (that's later presented, trimmed in cat food).
That Eddie will — without hesitating — sample what's in the gift is comedy gold, but the fact that he licks the lime-flavored seepage off of Clark's wife's finger with gusto is what really sells the scene and makes it one of Cousin Eddie's best quotes.
11 "Don't Forget The Rubber Sheets And Gerbils."
Cousin Eddie Seducing His Wife
Clark understands that Cousin Eddie doesn't want to take up room in the house in favor of his children not having to sleep in the RV, but one of the many things about Christmas Vacation that doesn't make sense is the moment when Eddie loudly tells his wife to to bring the rubber sheets and the gerbils for part of their nightly routine.
In the movie, it's heavily implied that the rubber sheets and gerbils will be used in some bizarre acts of intimacy, but their full purpose is left up to the audience's imagination, which is perhaps why the quote sticks out so much in viewers' memories.
