Even the most hardcore Friends fans have to agree that not all of the show has aged well. Many of the series' original jokes would not stand up on their own today, but we should celebrate the acceptance and tolerance of people of all walks of life that has become a more mainstream quality in our culture as well as our media. We can also still enjoy the many times the characters on the show made us laugh so hard.
Even as smart as Ross Geller was, for example, many of his quotes were so goofy or ridiculous that we can't help but laugh and nod when we hear them again over a quarter-century later. Given that the character was pretty much written for David Schwimmer, it's no wonder that these lines were delivered with such panache.
Updated on March 10th, 2020 by Richard Keller: While the original item was written less than a year ago, so much in the world of Friends has changed. The show has moved from Netflix to HBOMax and the cast will reunite for a non-scripted special. With these momentous events occurring, we thought it would be good to find some more quotes by the greatest mensch on television. We hope you still snicker at the memories.
"Yes. Yes, It Is... In Prison!"
A lot of things took place in the second season premiere of Friends. Ross had a new girlfriend, Rachel couldn't deal with it, and everyone got a haircut. Among all of this activity, there was a small subplot that led to one of Ross' best lines.
When Chandler went to Joey's tailor for a fitting, he got something he didn't expect. The tailor moved his, well, package, to measure his inseam. When he relayed this information to his friends, Joey asked Ross if that was the normal way tailors perform this operation. His response was, "Yes. Yes, it is ... in prison!" This led to the best laugh of the entire episode.
"Unagi Is A Total State Of Awareness."
Without a connection to Rachel, Ross tended to float around the periphery of other events. Such was the case in the sixth season episode "The One With the Unagi." In his inimitable way, Mr. Geller only wanted to protect his friends. Particularly Rachel and Phoebe. However, in doing so, he messed things up.
It started with him saying, "Unagi is a total state of awareness." This is strange enough, since an unagi is an eel. For the rest of the episode he tried to prove how his eel-like powers worked. Yet, the girls had the upper hand and eventually scared him. The whole scene was so cringe-inducing it could have been taken out of Friends and placed in The Office with Michael taking on the Ross role.
"You-You-You... You Threw My Sandwich Away..."
Season five was a strange one for Ross. His wife left him, then came back. In order to prove his trust, he needed to move out of his apartment and stop seeing Rachel. When he said no, he was left homeless. The only thing that gave him any hope was Monica's post-Thanksgiving day sandwich.
Unfortunately, the curator of the museum he worked at took it, though it had a note saying it was the property of Ross. The cad even threw most of it away. Rather than staying calm, Ross finally snapped with a quote about his sandwich that increased in volume to a crescendo across the West Village.
"I Grew Up In A House With Monica, Okay. If You Didn't Eat Fast, You Didn't Eat."
Yes, fat shaming is no longer something we do today, but it still remained a topic of humor on Friends. Even as far as the eight season, characters recalled the time when Monica was actually two people in one. Especially his brother.
For some reason, during Rachel's sonogram appointment, the topic of eating came up. When Rachel commented on the short period of time it takes for Ross to eat, he responded, "I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat." Though funny in the way Ross said it, we have to wonder how much she truly ate. It's not like she was 600 pounds.
"I Am This Close To Tugging On My Testicles Again."
Ross was a quirky child. He used to dress up in women's clothes, he ed an anti-Rachel club, and he played avant-garde music on an electronic keyboard. In addition, he tended to hide certain body parts.
In the ninth season episode where they celebrated Emma's birthday, a story was told by Ross' parents on how he used to tug on that certain body part. As they kept ragging on him, Ross declared he was quite close to demonstrating the procedure. It was certainly funny at the time. Now, there's a creepy edge to the statement.
"I'm The Holiday Armadillo!"
the time that there were no more Santa Clause or other Christmas-related costumes around and all that was left was... an armadillo costume? This was absolutely perfect for Ross, who wanted to teach Ben about Hanukkah and decided that he needed Santa, too, only to discover that he was too little, too late when it came to ordering a costume (what did he expect?).
So he did what Ross Geller would do and rent whatever costume they had, which turned out to be... the Holiday Armadillo. Ross's nasal voice declaring, "I'm the holiday Armadillo!" is one that can never be forgotten in its hilarity.
"Ah. Humor Based On My Pain."
Even though Ross is the most intelligent of all of the friends, he's also the butt of the most jokes in all nine seasons. Even Joey with his goofy little kid brain isn't as much of a punchline as poor Ross. Luckily Ross is used to the behavior of his friends, however, and he's quick to either condemn, in with or shut down the joke, depending on the situation.
One of his best quotes regarding one of these exact situations was the simple, "Ah. Humor based on my pain." He loves his friends (and sister) even though they love to make fun at his expense.
"I Tell You, When I Actually Die, Some People Are Going To Get Seriously Haunted!"
Let's be honest. We've all pictured our own funerals, or at least the reactions of the people we love upon hearing of our demise, and it's kind of a morbid little hobby that a lot of people indulge in. So when Ross had a pretend memorial service for himself after Chandler tells his classmates that he was taken out by a blimp, we can kind of see where he was coming from.
When almost no one showed up for his fake funeral, an affronted Ross scoffed, "I tell you, when I actually die, some people are going to get seriously haunted!"
"You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts!"
Only pregnant people understand what it's like to be pregnant, and only those who give birth can comment on the intense feels in the process. Ross, in a moment of sheer bone-headed hilarity, gets hit in the head while Rachel is giving birth to their baby by... Rachel's head.
It's kind of a fitting moment where she can share a bit of the pain with her partner, but Ross has to make the quip, "You have no idea how much this hurts." We're pretty sure Rachel's been bumped on the head before, buddy, and we're also pretty sure you have no idea how much labor hurts!
"Get Off My Sister!"
As out of left field as Monica and Chandler were at first, we quickly grew to love the pairing affectionately known as "Mondler." Ross, who didn't approve of the couple when he first spotted them making out, gave us the kind of brotherly reaction that makes us both roll our eyes and giggle. Staring at them through the window, he shrieked, "Get off my sister!"
It's so funny because it seems like such a 12-year-old comment to make, especially when your sister is a grown-up who can date with whomever she wants. Ross also gave us that hilarious "I'm fine!" when he found out that Joey and Rachel were dating.