Content Warning: This article contains mention of suicide.
There's a reason that brilliant 1980s dark humor, and nuanced characters with distinct personalities are still relatable, even today. Throughout the years, many of the lines that get said within the movie have become iconic and memorable, with fans still quoting them now.
These quotes stood the test of time and that's due to being hilarious, intelligent, or profoundly thought-provoking. But, out of all the brilliant quotes from Heathers, there are some that are simply the best of the best, and act as testaments to the movie's impeccable writing.
Updated on October 23rd, 2021 by Amanda Suarez: Heathers was a monumental movie of its time and is enduringly relevant. The script and story have even inspired a Broadway musical, TikTok trends, and Halloween costumes as recently as last year.
Because Heathers has such social and pop culture significance, it's only right to recognize all of the fantastic lines from the hit movie in order to recognize the true scope of its influence today.
J.D.: "Greetings & Salutations."
It's hard to say if J.D. is the best character in Heathers, as he is technically a villain, but he's also charismatic and charming. The reason why Veronica follows him around is that he's different from everyone else at the school, and that intrigues her and adds a spark to her otherwise mundane life.
That makes him stand out, and the way he greets Veronica the first time they meet with this quote is an example of that. It's not the typical manner that high schoolers say "hello" to each other, and it sets up exactly what he's like as a character.
Kurt's Dad: "My Son’s A Homosexual, And I Love Him. I Love My Dead Gay Son!"
This outburst takes place at Kurt's funeral after he and Ram have been killed. However, J.D. sets it up to appear like a suicide, framing them as lovers, and leading the police to assume they committed suicide because of their relationship, which isn't the case.
In the 1980s, talking about sexuality was much more taboo than it became in the following decades. However, instead of questioning it or being angry about it, Kurt's father accepts it and loves him, which is a great message that still holds up today, and was especially important at the time when the movie was first released.
Heather Chandler: "No, Heather, It’s Heather’s Turn. Heather?"// Heather Duke: "Sorry, Heather."
One of the funniest elements of Heathers is the main girl group itself and the fact that they all try to be exactly like each other. This is doubly funny because three of them have the exact same name, making for some pretty hilarious "Who's on first?" type dialogue.
It's just a great example of what this group is like and how everything that they do and say is similar to one another, which makes them all feel familiar, and none of them appear to be true individuals. It also showcases Heather Chandler's role as the leader of the group, as she keeps tabs on who's going where or doing what, and the other Heathers fall in line behind her.
Veronica: "If You Were Happy Every Day Of Your Life You Wouldn’t Be A Human Being. You’d Be A Game-Show Host."
Veronica might be in the Heathers group, but unlike the other three, she is happy enough to think for herself and showcase real intelligence throughout the movie. Suicide is a theme throughout the story and when Heather McNamara considers it, Veronica is there to provide a comforting shoulder.
Not only does this moment open her eyes as to what J.D. is doing to everybody, but it allows her to give some great advice to Heather. Through much of the film, it feels like Veronica despises the Heathers as a group, but she is much kinder and softer to Heather McNamara and Heather Duke, and this quote is a perfect example of the friendship she feels with them.
Veronica: "How Very."
One of Veronica's most iconic lines from the movie is this one, which comes from her first encounter with J.D. After she asks him the Heather lunch poll question: what he would do if he won the Publisher's Clearing House and then aliens landed on Earth to blow it up?
After listening to preppy kids talk about stocks, jocks give vulgar sexual answers about Madonna, and others not even understanding the question, J.D. talks about going out in a canoe with some tequila and a saxophone. It's a refreshing and interesting answer to Veronica and her answer, "How very", finishes up the first moment of chemistry between the two.
Veronica's Dad: "Oh Yeah, That's It."
The scenes that Veronica has with her parents offer a real change of pace for the movie, as they typically take place after something major as she then just sits and shares a peaceful meal with her family.
Veronica's dad has a habit of asking his wife and daughter why he does the things that he does, like read spy novels. Every time, Veronica gives the same answer: "Because you're an idiot," to which, he always replies "Oh yeah, that's it." It's clear to see where Veronica gets her dry sense of humor from, and the back and forth pokes fun at the "helpless dad" trope of the '80s.
J.D.: "Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling."
J.D. is a guy with a definite flair for the dramatic and lines that he thinks sound profound and deep. He delivers this line about the beauty of chaos when he and Veronica are at his home following the lunchtime pep rally to band together after all the school's "tragedy."
J.D. is excited by the strong reaction everyone is having, telling Veronica that they're scaring people into being nice. Like his dad watching demolition videos, J.D. thrives and sees beauty in chaos, and this quote perfectly sums up his personality in that way. He doesn't care what destruction is caused, because to him, chaos is as natural and necessary as extinction.
Veronica: "Yeah, I Just Got Back."
At the end of the movie, Veronica Sawyer is truly in her badass phase. She's taken control of her life and she struts back into the school having just faced an explosion, which is why her hair is frizzed up and she's covered in blood, to which Heather Duke tells her she looks like hell.
However, Veronica comes back with a fantastic line, telling her she has just got back, showcasing the journey that she has been on and how she felt about the entire process of dating J.D.
Veronica: "J.D., That Knife Is Filthy."// J.D.: "What Do You Think I'm Gonna Do With It, Take Out Her Tonsils?"
As a new Queen Bee takes Heather Chandler's place, J.D. takes it upon himself to feed into one of the most-used teen comedy tropes and take out the popular girl for a second time. When Veronica follows him into Heather Duke's house, he begins brandishing a knife in order to fake another suicide.
Humorously enough and inappropriately for the moment, the first thing Veronica points out is that the knife is too dirty, to which J.D. laughs and makes a joke about the fact that it doesn't matter if it's clean or not. Veronica tells him that she knows Heather and a knife she would use would be spotless. Of course, the entire thing turns out to be a bizarre dream Veronica is having.
Veronica: "Lick It Up Baby, Lick. It. Up."
Another classic line that Veronica provides is this one after she drinks too much at the party Heather Chandler gets her into. She doesn't want to be there anymore, but instead of being a good friend and taking her home, Heather Chandler embraces her mean girl survival strategy, and forces Veronica to stay so that she can look cool to the college kids.
Unfortunately, Veronica wasn't lying about feeling sick and throws up on Heather. When Heather Chandler snappily complains about the situation, Veronica stands up for herself and makes it clear that Chandler should lick it up, showcasing the backbone she had been avoiding using with Heather.
