When it comes to Conan the Barbarian, often come to mind. This is mainly because Schwarzenegger is often associated with action-seeking roles, where he often manages to save the day by overpowering the villains or does it by simply by being the protector. However, there have also been occasions where he has also featured in some hilarious comedies too.
One example is the 1996 comedy Jingle All the Way. This Christmas classic saw Schwarzenegger in the role of a father, Howard Langston, who is desperately trying to get his son a popular toy while hijinks ensued. There are many lines in the film that are a reminder of Schwarzenegger's brief time in family-friendly comedy films, however, only a few of them are more memorable than others.
Howard's Apology To Jamie:
"So Champ, Are Those Hands ed Weapons Yet?"
After missing another Karate class of his son, Jamie (Star Wars' Jake Lloyd), Howard attempted to justify his delay with the traffic and being ticketed. His wife, Liz (Rita Wilson), did not want to hear any of it and demanded that he apologize to Jamie. Howard went to Jamie's room and attempted to defuse the situation with some humor.
The line is especially amusing considering the action roles that Schwarzenegger is known for. It is likely that in those action films, the fists of Schwarzenegger's characters are indeed ed weapons. This is also one of the few lines in the movie where Howard attempted to use humor as an apology, instead of Howard quipping in response to outlandish situations.
Howard And The Police:
"Oh, I'm Sorry About The Bike And The Coffee And The Bus And, Uh, The Bomb."
One of Howard's foes in the movie is Officer Hummell, who had the worst luck throughout the whole thing. During Howard's misadventure, Hummell suffered coffee burns, had his bike ruined by Howard, had a bomb blow up in his face, and collided headlong into a school bus. Upon seeing that Howard was Turbo Man the whole time, Hummell's look said it all.
Howard's apology over all of his encounters perfectly sums up the film's absurdity and why it is so enjoyable. A story of a father trying to get his son the perfect gift for Christmas is concise and straightforward, but moments like these make Jingle All the Way a watchable Christmas classic alongside Home Alone.
Howard To Ted The Nosy Neighbor:
"Maybe I Should Wrap Some Chains Around You."
Ted ( Hartman) is Howard's sleazy neighbor that repeatedly woos Liz. Howard unfortunately never got a chance to lay Ted out for this and would have if not for a run-in with Officer Hummell. The closest he got was early in the movie when Howard headed out to get the Turbo Man doll at the movie's beginning.
The characters had only a few verbal spars throughout the film, and this line is the only one that was angry and antagonistic towards Ted. It was a quiet, disgruntled mutter that Ted did not catch, which made it even better and highlighted Ted's obliviousness that caused his downfall later in the movie.
Howard To The Warehouse Santas:
"You Know What You Guys Are? Nothing But A Bunch Of Sleazy Con Men In Red Suits."
One of the stranger moments of the film was Howard meeting a Mall Santa (James Belushi) and being brought to a warehouse run by other Santas. His desperation was enough to look past the excessive amount of $300 and their less-than-kosher operation. Howard's mood immediately changed upon opening and seeing the cheap, counterfeit Turbo Man doll.
Howard's battle against the naughty warehouse Santas Clauses just because of this line was the film's most action-packed moment outside of the climax, and it again highlights the absurdity and fun of the whole thing. It was also never mentioned again afterward, despite how it broke up the formula of Howard going to a store and failing to get the toy.
Howard To The Reindeer:
"Hey, Rudolph, Can I Buy You Another Round?"
Early in the movie, one of Ted's excessive shows of Christmas spirit was getting a reindeer for his son. Later, it returned to menace Howard after he broke into Ted's house to steal the Turbo Man doll. After Liz and Ted scolded and left Howard, the reindeer returned.
It is never shown how Howard got the reindeer outside and made him drunk. His casual demeanor as if he were in a bar was a sharp contrast to the earlier scene of Howard attempting to steal a child's Christmas gift. The reindeer never appeared again after this scene, its fate unknown.
Howard the Mattress Salesman:
"You're My Number One Customer!"
Howard's first scene is of him on the phone still working while the other employees are partying like it's 1996. Given the number of calls he got and his friendly demeanor, business is booming. Perhaps he may be a little too friendly, given that he declared that every customer was his number one.
This was Howard's first scene in the film, and it was an attempt to show him as the neglectful father who worked a lot, which may not be a bad thing considering he is the company head and the only one working. Though the line is said repeatedly, the best delivery was when he said it to Liz.
Howard To Myron:
"Oh, Poor Baby."
The movie's primary antagonist is disgruntled postal worker Myron Larabee (Sinbad), who quickly got on Howard's nerves with his rants against the Christmas season. Myron made his position on getting the Turbo Man doll clear when he knocked Howard into a display of Booster toys to slow him down. Howard fought back, though, using an RC car to make Myron slip and fall.
The camera angle from Myron's point of view, Howard's glee as he ran off, and Schwarzenegger's delivery to sound as condescending as possible adds so much to the line's humor. It was only the first altercation between Howard and Myron, with plenty more that happened in the film.
Howard And The Mob:
"He Got Two! He Got Two!"
The entire premise of the movie is meant to parody the wild toy crazes of the 1990s, and it is most apparent during the scene at the Mall of America. The entire store is wrecked, and customers harmed each other over a lottery ball that determined ownership of the Turbo Man doll. This led to Myron stealing the ball from Howard and macing him.
Earlier, other customers were clawing and even biting on Howard's hand to get the lottery ball. After being maced, Howard riling up the customers and sticking them on Myron was completely understandable. This scene was the third rowdiest rumble in the Jingle All The Way and for some viewers, it didn't make sense as to how none of them were arrested for their actions.
Howard To Ted:
"Put That Cookie Down! Now!"
After a montage of Howard trying to find the Turbo Man doll, he called his house only to reach Ted in the kitchen, baking and eating cookies. Howard is incensed at this, and Ted's slimy remarks were not helping. This culminated in perhaps the most memorable line in the film.
Like before, Ted's obliviousness to Howard's anger makes the line even better, and what also helps the scene is Howard's cookie outburst startling ers-by. It is so famous that, in 2013, Schwarzenegger made a short Youtube video of himself telling viewers to put that cookie down.
