Stated objectives in video games are the means by which players know what to do in order to actually complete the game. While it can be fun to ignore them now and then for some free roaming, an objective is what steers players in the right direction.
Objectives can be straightforward, vague, or in some cases, just plain weird. With LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga featuring such outlandish objectives like "Find an arm surgeon", "find out who shot first", and "dance in rock circles across the galaxy", it is time to look at some other utterly bizarre things games asked their players to do.
Punch the Reactor - Far Cry: Blood Dragon
One thing almost anyone knows about a nuclear reactor is not to mess with one. Far Cry: Blood Dragon gives players an order to ignore this rule for one glorious moment. Far removed from the more serious, grounded rest of the series, Far Cry: Blood Dragon is a campy, intentionally over-the-top action romp.
One section of the game has players trying to disable a nuclear reactor. After fighting through waves of enemies and beginning an overload of the reactor, players are told that it needs to overloaded manually. Cue this ludicrous objective to charge the reactor by punching it with the protagonists robot hand to give it the last little push.
Survive - Halo: Reach
Truth be told, there is very little funny about the Halo franchise's best missions, there is only one thing left to do, and that is to fight.
In context, this moment is incredibly effective, and shows off the last ditch heroism of the lead character. Out of context though, it is actually a little bit amusing. Not only has the objective become somewhat of a meme, it is the equivalent of saying "to win, just don't die". Unfortunately, this is one objective players are doomed to fail.
Stop the Joker From Gaining Immortality - Batman: Arkham City
Any video game about superheroes is going to require a certain amount of suspension of disbelief. however, arguably one of the best superhero games of all time, plays itself almost entirely straight. One of the game's final objectives is just a bizarre series of events though.
Towards the end of the game, Talia al Ghul promises the Joker eternal life for sparing Batman. After Batman escapes, he then has to go stop this promise from being fulfilled. While it makes sense in the context of the game, and fits well within the character's abilities and personalities, the prompt on its own is still undeniably cartoony.
Destroy Megatron - Transformers: Fall of Cybertron
Given that most of the Transformers franchise revolves around the heroic Autobots trying to stop the villainous Megatron, it is reasonable that destroying him would be an objective in a game. In Fall of Cybertron however, the humor is all in the execution.
Instead of this being the objective right before confronting the final boss, players are given this prompt in only the third level after taking control of the city-sized Autobot Metroplex. Players stare down at the ant sized Decepticon and press melee several times, pounding Megatron more and more into rubble with each swing. Needless to say, it is a fairly short fight.
Meow Meow - No More Heroes
game for the Nintendo Wii that everyone should , but it was not all swords and showdowns. As players worked their way up the assassin ranks, they had to earn the chance to face the next boss.
In between the huge-scale boss fights, players had to earn money to buy upgrades, weapons, or other items. Even worse, they had to pay in-game money to be able to take each boss on. To do this, players had to take on a variety of part-time jobs, like mowing lawns or catching escaped cats, to be able to raise money for the battles. And video games are supposed to be a break from the everyday.
Shoot This Guy In The Face - Borderlands 2
The Borderlands games are all based around comically over the top violence, and Borderlands 2 took the self-referential carnage to next level with one famous side mission. During the game, players will come across an NPC very loudly asking someone to shoot him in the face.
If players interact with the aptly named "Face McShooty", they will be given a new mission to do exactly what McShooty is asking them to do. Players can then simply oblige the poor man and complete possibly the easiest mission in the entire game. If McShooty is shot anywhere other than the face though, he will mock the player on their poor aim.
Do The Thing - World of Warcraft
One thing players likely didn't know they could do in Warcraft is undertake one of the most nonsensical missions of all time. In one area of the game, players will come across a creature called Pearlhunter Phin.
If players interact with Shin, they will be given a mission called "Do the Thing", and that is about the extent of the information on how to complete it. The mission description is just incoherent mumbling, but thankfully "the thing" is just gathering some resources found right around Phin.
Annoy Squidward - Spongebob Squarepants: Battle For Bikini Bottom
Squidward is often the victim of SpongeBob's antics in SpongeBob Squarepants, and not always undeservedly. The surprisingly phenomenal, and surprisingly difficult SpongeBob Squarepants: Battle For Bikini Bottom lets players celebrate one of SpongeBob's favorite holidays in its opening moments.
While exploring the hub area, SpongeBob can enter different buildings and complete tasks to find Golden Spatulas, the game's main collectible. If players enter Squidward's house, the only objective is to annoy poor Squiddy, which players can do by jumping around, breaking things, or hitting him. Squidward will finally give away the spatula in return for being left alone.
Shoot a Hole in Mars - DOOM Eternal
After a hilarious cutscene in 2016's DOOM, Cyborg scientist Samuel Hayden should have known that Doomguy does not take orders particularly well. This is proven yet again in even grander fashion in the sequel DOOM Eternal, in this now legendary line.
Desperate to reach an ancient city, the Slayer is told by Hayden that it is buried deep within Mars. Ever a resourceful one, the Slayer charts a course for the biggest gun in the solar system to make a way there. After Hayden tells players they "can't just shoot a hole in the surface of Mars,", an objective pops up to do exactly that. And sure, enough they do.
Don't S*** Your Pants - Don't S*** Your Pants
Internet browser games also count as video games, and even with plenty of outlandish examples, few can compare to the simple beauty of Don't S*** Your Pants. A very brief play, there is only one objective in the entire game, the one listed in the title.
Players control a man who they are told really needs to use the restroom. There are multiple ways to avoid this tragic fate in the "survival horror", from taking pills to just using a toilet, but it's actually much funnier to lose and get one of the many hilarious and thankfully non-graphic game over screens. As far as video game objectives go, they don't get much funnier than "Don't S*** Your Pants".