Elaine Benes kept blowing off her dates, one after the other. She was unlucky in love. For starters, her judgment in men was seriously compromised. She chose a crazy person, a moocher, a bad break-upper, an assertive psychiatrist. Elaine only had a small handful of decent dates. The rest of these men were absolutely mental. Poor Lainey deserved so much better.
There's hardly a moment in Seinfeld where Elaine and the person she's dating don't manage to screw the relationship up. One of the domineering factors would be, men weren't used to strong, independent women like Elaine speaking their heart out. Unfortunately the men she picked-up preferred submissive women. Hey, if women don't have to have babies, they don't. If they are pro-choice, shut up about it. Anywho, without further ado, here are five dates worth recommending and five best left alone.
Would Date: Aaron
If Kramer dated a low-talker, Elaine dated a close-talker, Aaron. He loved Jerry's parents the moment he saw them. When he learned they were going to , he offered them an envelope full of French francs. Elaine was smitten with Aaron, she'd light up every time he spoke.
He had a baritone speaking voice that was pleasant to listen to. Aaron was dreamy, however, he was in your face, a lot. Except for his weird proximity to Seinfelds, there wasn't a single character flaw in Aaron. He was simply a good man who found a decent company in Jerry's parents. Too bad Elaine couldn't see that. Any girl would be lucky to have Aaron.
Wouldn't Date: Phil Totola
Elaine goes on a date with Phil Totola in "The Stand-in." Elaine knows Phil through her ex-flame, Jerry who's set them up. Elaine looks happy at the end of her date with Phil. The two seem to be laughing hysterically over some Pachyderm-pizza-joke.
But that doesn't last long. In a matter of seconds, Phil takes 'it out.' Which obviously makes him a sexual harasser. Staying away from men like Phil Totola is one way to avoid sexual harassment.
Would Date: Tony
Ah, the handsome Tony or as Jerry would call him, the pretty boy Tony. Elaine went to the movies with Tony in "The Stall." Jerry despised Tony for his good looks, to the point he called him a male bimbo. But there was more to Tony than his looks. He was a good storyteller, George copied his way of wearing the baseball cap backward. George seemed to be in love with Tony.
Poor Tony took a tumble while rock climbing with Kramer and George. His face was damaged badly and Elaine dumped him soon afterward. Tony was one of the few decent boyfriends of Elaine. For one, he treated her friends well. Ain't nothing wrong with dating an incredibly attractive man. If men are supposed to be superficial, women shouldn't shy from it either.
Wouldn't Date: Fred
Eline dates Fred in "The Pick." Fred works with Elaine at Pendant Publishing. Elaine lands into boy trouble in the midst of the nipple-mishap. See the thing is, she accidentally sent out Christmas cards with her exposed nipple. The hipster doofus and Elaine's assistant are to be blamed for it. Kramer took the photo, Elaine's assistant took care of the rest.
Now Fred is a devoutly religious guy. He stops calling Elaine as soon as the cards are out. Fred walks into Elaine's office to know how she could miss a button on her blouse. As if he never missed a button. Let's spare people the headache of dating judgmental men.
Would Date: Keith Hernandez
Keith Hernandez was the ex-New York Mets baseball player. He was smart and a civil war buff who began dating Elaine in "The Boyfriend Part 1." Jerry got a date with Keith first, followed by Elaine. Keith is civil enough to enquire about Elaine from Jerry. When he comes to know Elaine was dating Jerry in the past, he asks if it would be appropriate to call Elaine.
Strangely Jerry and Elaine are vying for Keith's time and attention. When Jerry vyes for a man, that man has to be special. A baseball player as a date is as good as it gets.
Wouldn't Date: Dr. Reston
Elaine got involved with her shrink Dr. Reston. The two vacationed in Europe for a couple of weeks. Reston is a psychiatrist, crazier than his patient Joe Davola. During their time together, Reston would think about Joe Davola. Once Elaine was back from the trip, she tried to call it quits. No one could blame the woman for escaping the clutches of the psychiatrist who had a mental hold on her.
The man was so domineering, Elaine couldn't get him to leave her alone. Poor Elaine had to seek Kramer's help to talk Reston out of it. Reston used his education to psychologically manipulate people, especially the ones who asked him to back-off. This is a major red flag, therefore the best one can do is keep away.
Would Date: David Puddy
Elaine's on-and-off boyfriend, David Puddy was one heck of a guy. Jerry knew Puddy very well, the two used to be friends. But somehow Jerry couldn't picture Elaine with the mechanic. All Elaine said was David had big muscular arms and dripping sexuality like Stanley Kowalski. David Puddy was a goof, he'd paint his face to the New Jersey Devils ice hockey game.
David Puddy was a genuinely nice guy, face painting and religious zealotry aside. Never did he treat anyone with scorn and disrespect. Those are the main things to look for in a man.
Wouldn't Date: Joe Davola
Joe Davola or crazy Joe Davola was a terrifying boyfriend. Elaine met Joe outside Reston's office, not knowing he was the same crazy person Reston worried about in Europe. Joe was also a sworn enemy of Jerry Seinfeld because he thought Jerry bad-mouthed him to the executives at NBC. The mad man left kiboshing threats on Jerry's machine.
At first, Elaine thought Joe had a grip on reality, he was happy, well-adjusted and interested in more than Nick at Nite. But that thought changed as soon as Elaine walked in Joe's apartment to see her photos plastered on his walls. Joe stalked Elaine with a telephoto lens. Elaine sprayed him in the eyes with a Binaca and ran for her life. Nuff said, right?
Would Date: Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld had a reputation for breaking up with people for the silliest of reasons. But he sure was a good boyfriend to Elaine. For one, he wasn't a bad break-upper, crazy, domineering, or a mimbo. He deeply cared for Elaine, even after the two of them ended their relationship.
There's every reason to go out with Jerry. He treats his women well and respects their boundaries. He's affectionate, polite and on his best behavior even when he's no longer into a woman. Let's see, Jerry is a successful comedian, cute, which would make him a decently dateable man.
Wouldn't Date: Dick
No one in their right mind would want to go out with a contemptuous recovering alcoholic. Dick is seen at the office Christmas party in "The Red Dot." He's Elaine's co-worker who treats Jerry with disrespect on his turf! Dick drank vodka for cranberry juice which led him to fall right off the wagon! He seemed like a cold, distant man who drank by himself at the office booth.
Dick also heckled Jerry on his show. He was shabbily dressed, he screamed in a room full of people. One should be intelligent enough to avoid someone like Dick and the baggage he came with.