"A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man." A jury is still deliberating over exactly what "embiggens" means, but this phrase stands as the official motto of Springfield - the fictional city and main setting of The Simpsons. Springfield is a municipality whose population, geographic size, and location remain ambiguous and contradictory over the show's 32 seasons.
Some three decades after The Simpsons first aired on Fox, Springfield remains an enigma. A few things are certain about the town, though: it's zany residents, businesses, and laws mirror the strange (yet at times comfortable) nature of contemporary suburban living. This raises an important question: is Springfield really a good place to live?
Would Be Great: Being Able To Buy Buzz Cola From The Kwik-E-Mart
Having easy access to a convenience store is something most people appreciate. Apu's Kwik-E-Mart is a Springfield staple; when Apu isn't price gouging or selling expired goods - or when Snake Jailbird isn't trying to case the t - it's not such a bad place to shop.
The Kwik-E-Mart is stock full of Springfield's best snacks and drinks. From Buzz Cola to Krusty-O's to Squishees, the Kwik-E-Mart sells products people won't be able to get anywhere else.
Wouldn't Be Great: Too Much Pollution From The Springfield Nuclear Power Plant
Its obvious pollution is a major issue in Springfield when the local nuclear power plant uses a mutated fish named Blinky as its mascot. Located on the banks of the town's river, the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant is owned and mismanaged by the evil tycoon Montgomery Burns.
Those who visit Springfield are asked to wear radiation suits and use Geiger counters. The Environmental Protection Agency even tried to blow Springfield up once because of the amount of pollution generated by Mr. Burns' facility.
Would Be Great: Hanging Out At Moe's Tavern
What's better than a cold beer and familiar faces at the neighborhood saloon? Moe's Tavern is the quintessential local bar for residents of Springfield who want to drink in a windowless, dark establishment run by an irritable bartender.
Patrons can expect to sip on the latest offerings from Duff Beer, and if they're really lucky, they may even get to try a Flaming Homer. There's even a good chance Bart Simpson will prank call Moe, leading to drunken hilarity.
Wouldn't Be Great: Way Too Many Prisons
For a town that claims to hold anywhere from 30,000 to 50,000 inhabitants, Springfield sure maintains a large number of prisons. While the Springfield Penitentiary is the most infamous, many other jails are featured in The Simpsons.
There's Springwood Minimum Security Prison, Springfield Women's Prison, and Springfield Juvenile Correctional Facility- to name a few. There's also the Montgomery Burns State Prison, the site of a former classical music venue designed by architect Frank Gehry.
Would Be Great: Taking Classes At Krusty's Clown College
Krusty the Clown puts Springfield on the map with his entertainment franchise. From TV shows to amusement parks to summer camps to toy lines, Krusty capitalizes on every money-making opportunity that falls into his lap.
One of Springfield's unique educational arenas, Krusty's Clown College, is the perfect place for anyone who wants to try something different. Potential students should just make sure to save all their receipts and have good lawyers.
Wouldn't Be Great: The Floundering Economy
Unlike its earlier days, Springfield's economy isn't doing so well these days. Due to the lack of diverse industries in town, most residents are employed by the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant - which causes the town more harm than good.
The few other companies in town include Ah! Fudge, Duff Beer, and Southern Cracker. Even after same-sex marriage and gambling were legalized to bring more visitors in, Springfield just can't keep up with the times.
Would Be Great: Hanging Out In Different Districts
Springfield is home to dozens and dozens of unique districts. Both commercial and residential, these zones attest to the town's ethnic, economic, and geographic diversity.
While the Simpsons live in Pressboard Estates, the town's upper class reside in Recluse Ranch Estates and Waverly Hill. On the western edge of the city lies West Springfield, which is apparently three times the size of Texas.
Wouldn't Be Great: Mayor Quimby's Problematic Reign
Joe Quimby is about as sleazy as any local elected official can be. Springfield's long-time mayor loves women, money, and power; Mayor Quimby is so daft and incorrigible he loves to brag about all the way he abuses his privilege.
Despite this, Quimby keeps winning re-election. In fact, he has served at least five consecutive as top dog in town.
Would Be Great: Catching Movies At The Aztec Theater
Surprisingly, Springfield contains quite a few arts and entertainment venues. Local really love the Aztec Theatre, a small movie theatre that only plays one movie at a time.
Over the years, the Simpsons and their friends catch some real winners at the Aztec. From fictional flicks like The Itchy & Scratchy Movie to real movies like the infamously bad Showgirls, the Aztec caters to all ages with its offerings.
Wouldn't Be Great: All Those Natural Disasters
Most of the year, Springfield stays mild and dry. Sometimes, though, the town is besieged by freak natural disasters that make day-t0-day life quite difficult.
There have been hurricanes, acid rain, floods, blizzards, and even volcanic eruptions. Locals always expect the unexpected, though, and they've learned to adapt over the years.