The showdown between the Excalibur #14 and Wolverine #7 reveal that, no, this event is not about cool swordfights. Really, it's not actually clear what it's about at all anymore, only that the X-Men are losing it badly.
X of Swords is the payoff for the last year of buildup from the relaunch of X-Men total relaunch Dawn of X. Apocalypse lost his family thousands of years ago when they left to fight demons; now they're back, in charge of the demons, and interested in conquering Earth. The only thing standing in their way is a fighting tournament organized by mysterious space witch Opal Luna Saturnyne. She chose X-Men from the living island Krakoa to wield magic swords against the mutants of Krakoa's twin Arakko for the fate of the world.
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In Excalibur #14, the fifteenth chapter of the 22-part X of Swords story, the mutant heroes and villains finally stop reciting backstory and head into battle. But the fights are over before they've truly begun, or aren't even battles in the first place. The defiant Captain Britain squares up against the self-explanatory Isca the Unbeaten; within moments, the Captain magically explodes when her sword collides with her opponent's blade. Point: Arakko. Cypher, the weakest fighter on either team, overcomes his fear and enters the ring, but there's no swordfight planned, only a wedding. Cypher and his opponent fall in love and get married on the spot. Point: both teams.
In Wolverine, sorcerous swordmaster Magik and Internet fandom sensation Pogg Ur-Pogg set up for their long-awaited clash. Then the referee announces that it'll be an arm-wrestling match. Since all her power is in her sword and her skills, Magik loses instantly. Point Arakko. Wolverine kills his opponent, but Saturnyne corrected that "fight to the death" meant the first one to die wins. Point Arakko. Wolverine faces Storm in a drinking contest—point Krakoa either way—and then wins his second fight while plastered, but is technically subbing in for an Arakko mutant, so that team gets the win. Point Arakko.
The individual fights are too bizarre to pull open, so the bigger question is: why did this storyline suddenly become a parody of itself? Whatever the answer is, it lies with Saturnyne, the enchantress hosting the competition. Saturnyne loves misdirections and illusions, especially when they let her avoid unnecessary bloodshed. She's been pulling strings since the beginning, including sending the Wolverine trying to kill her.
Until the truth comes out, this story isn't X of Swords, it's more like Whose Sword Is It Anyway. That's a good thing for the X-Men. Their only chance of success is if the points don't matter.
Excalibur #14 is written by Tini Howard with art by Phil Noto and lettering by Ariana Maher. Wolverine #7 is written by Benjamin Percy and Gerry Duggan with art by Joshua Cassara, color by Guru eFX, and lettering by Cory Petit. Both are available now from local comics shops and Comixology.
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